This Too Shall Pass/Time is Now

Yesterday, I went out with some of the ladies from church to a place where you can paint pottery and hanging out with them was cool, but partially uncomfortable. Do not get me wrong, I was glad I was asked because I want be with other Christian women, but I was the only one there that did not have children on this earth and so when they were putting their children’s names on the pieces and talking about their children I did not have much too say.

What would you say?

Like when people ask me when I am with or without my husband, “How many children to you have?” There is no time and I mean no time that I have not had to think about it every time it comes up. The perfect answer for me would be 11 which includes his 3 that are on earth from other relationships and the other 8 that are mine are in heaven. If he answers, he says 3, but I am not comfortable with that. I do not want to ignore the 8 beauties that I have in heaven because they count too and are just as important.

I am a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ and I believe the Word, there have been times that I have questioned what is/was said in the Book and in the area of having children and I have been at the point where I questioned it. In 2012, I underwent surgery to clear some of the fibroids I have had in the area of one of my fallopian tubes and within a month’s time I was pregnant. I was ecstatic and afraid at the same time and honestly it is hard to receive as it says in James 1:6-8, NLT (But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do). I was double minded and I can admit that. I unfortunately lost my child and I was upset with God. My doctor who is a Christian told me that some women were not made to carry and I knew that was a lie from the pit of hell itself. God does not play favorites, so how is he going to renege on how he created things to be. He created women, all women to carry babies to term and that includes you and it includes me.

I believe in 2011, my Pastor/Prophet mentioned that after service one Sunday that he was going to be praying for people, but unfortunately I had to work so I asked my husband to stand proxy for me and having a daughter was mentioned (I wish to this day that I can get a copy of this message), but yes so when I lost the child I wondered what this was about. How can this be happening after God said that I would have a daughter? There was a part of me that honestly believed that God took the child from me, but John 10:10 says, NIV, The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. Some other Christians tried to tell me that it was God’s will and they tried to tell me stuff like in God’s timing you will have children, but the things that they were trying to tell me were not helping. The only one that could help me and that is if I allow Him to is the Holy Spirit, Psalms 34:18, Message Version (If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath). This is a good version, because I felt kicked in the gut each time and I am glad that He was there to help me catch my breath. It is a feeling that is indescribable. One cannot understand until they go through it and I would not wish it on anyone. I have an aching in my heart for children/my children and I believe God has put that desire in me to be a mother.

Was I the only one?

I questioned the Father about a couple of things like, How Father can people that do not want kids be allowed to carry easily and not me? I had to learn to stop asking Him and start trust Him. He is merciful and just to forgive us when we ask Him to and mean it from the heart. I know now that I did not go through this for nothing. He allowed it to happen and knew that I can get past this if I can get past my own pain and trust in Him and what He has done for me.

I felt many times that it was my fault and that we did not fight enough for the babies (especially the last miscarriage). When one is desperate and does not know what to do, call on the one that can help you and that is Jesus.

Pastor recently mentioned the scripture in Luke 18:38, NLT, So he began shouting, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” Just thinking about that scripture and saying it makes tears come to my eyes. The man was desperate and knew who can help him, the Great I AM, the Messiah, the Savior. Well I have since then picked up teachings (book, cds and the Bible) and I keep the Word in front of my eyes and ear gate so I can in time obtain more faith to believe God in that area.

Here are some of the scriptures that we/I am standing on:

1. Romans 10:17, NLT So faith comes from hearing, that is, hearing the Good News about Christ.

2. Leviticus 26:9, NIV “I will look on you with favor and make you fruitful and increase your numbers, and I will keep my covenant with you.”

3. Psalms 128:3, ESV Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table.

4. Deuteronomy 7:9, NLT Understand, therefore, that the LORD your God is indeed God. He is the faithful God who keeps his covenant for a thousand generations and lavishes his unfailing love on those who love him and obey his commands.

5. Isaiah 49:23, NLT (last sentence) …. Those who trust in me will never be put to shame.”

6. Deuteronomy 7:13-4, NLT He will love you and bless you, and he will give you many children. He will give fertility to your land and your animals. When you arrive in the land he swore to give your ancestors, you will have large harvests of grain, new wine, and olive oil, and great herds of cattle, sheep, and goats. You will be blessed above all the nations of the earth. None of your men or women will be childless, and all your livestock will bear young.

7. Galatians 3:13, ESV Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree”—(any sickness, barrenness, infertility of any kind is part of the curse)

Yes, this too shall pass. Yes, I will be holding my own children in my arms. I know that this will pass because of the scriptures that say that, Numbers 23:19 NIV God is not human, that he should lie,
not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act?  Does he promise and not fulfill? and Jeremiah 1:12, Holman Christian Standard Bible, The LORD said to me, “You have seen correctly, for I watch over My word to accomplish it.”

Yes, I will proudly say that I am a mother of children on this earth and in heaven.

I am not waiting until I am pregnant, but I am claiming it now. I have it now. It is so now. We have been encouraging each other in the Lord. We have purchased some clothes for the babies, a crib and because of recent events to where we have to obtain another place to stay within the year, hubby already stepping out even more said, “Why don’t we make one of the rooms for the babies and decorate it?!!” I said, “Yes, that is a great idea.” God will honor our faith. We are standing on what Jesus has already done and not what we are trying to do. It is based on Him and Him alone.

Continuation to come……..

Are you facing this challenge; you are not alone. We can believe God together.

God Bless!!!